Reason #1: I am friends on Facebook with a girl that went to Williams with me. She is younger then me, so we did not really run in the same circles. I knew her because she also was a psychology major. Anyhow,last year on Facebook she posted something about her and her husband adopting. She was so open about it and I envied that she felt comfortable enough to do so. Around the first of December she posted that they had been matched with a birth mom and the baby was due in the middle of the month. One week before the baby was due, the birth mom changed her mind. My friend was so brave. She picked herself up and went on her way. Earlier this year, it happened to her again. This summer it happened again--as she was holding that baby boy the social worker had to come and tell her the birth mom changed her mind.
I am not going in to this adoption blindly. I know there will be ups and downs. Tears of joy and tears of pain. I know there is 50/50 chance that the birth mom will change her mind...but for this to happen 5 or 6 times? I have wondered if I have the strength to go through that once, much less multiple times. I am going to be honest, seeing my friend's situation unfold on Facebook it scared me.
Reason #2: I found out that someone who once was a trusted friend had a recent abortion. I can not go in to many details about it because I am not supposed to know. I can say that this person knows how badly we want a baby. She had told me that her and her husband wanted another child and had tried and tried, but it never happened. She knows what treatments we have tried and I even trusted her enough to tell her we were going to start the adoption process. When I found out, it really sent me to a new low. I just can not imagine how anyone could go through with an abortion. It still hurts my heart to even look at her. It seems like she so easily got rid of something I want so bad. I know when I look at her and start to judge her, I need to stop and pray--for her and for me.
For the past few months, I have alternated between being sad, happy, fearful, mad and angry. I have had to think long and hard if this was something I really and truly wanted to do. Am I going to let fear keep me from something that I want more then anything? Am I going to let Satan keep painting these horrible "what if" pictures? After some soul searching, I know within a shadow of doubt this is what I know God is calling us to do. I know that I am strong enough to handle whatever the outcome is. I know that as a couple, Alan and I have this. I know that when the bad stuff and the good stuff comes, we have awesome family and friends who will be there for us. I know that when I am standing around holding all the pieces, God sees the whole puzzle.
Alan and I have set a deadline. This weekend we are going to get the last our paperwork filled and everything together to mail. Our goal is to have it in the mail by the 19th. Do not worry...I take pictures to document it all!
Jeremiah 29:11
" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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